Twilight

What a beautiful night.Listening to Ravel's Jeaux d'Eau.

A big mistake was to actually think I could mug throughout the night. Especially when my intention was tending towards mathematics. After three integration problems my head shut down, not in fatigue, but in restlessness. Unfortunately, coffee negates whatever fatigue in me. It prevents me from sleeping, yet I am unable to accomplish anything. Wrong move. Coffee, a vital item in the arsenal of muggerzoids and muggerbots, but yet it can be a double edged sword. I have not at the level to properly and efficiently manipulate it advantageously.

Well, reflecting into how I spend my day, it was inevitable. I mean, the fatigue. An entire day in school. My gum recovered pretty well last night and somehow it did not hurt nor bleed one bit the entire of today. I could eat at a normal level, everything was fine. I had occasional pulses of headaches, and it was slightly uncomfortable-the pain in the stomach (I think) caused by the antibiotics. (without fail, after 30-45 minutes of consumption, I get the same kind of pain). But it was bearable. My pain threshold, has inevitably increased after the painful ordeal few days ago and it is about to tenfold again in the days to come. How fortunate.

As soon as school ended I rushed home to catch some piano practice. Academics, surely is important, but I have to feed the hunger within me and the only way is to practice. I was already fatigued. One hour and slightly more of doodling away at the keyboard. And then I quickly got back to school-yes,yes night study.

I leveled up today!

Practiced after I got home again. And then I attempted to study, but I realized studying for phenomenal amount of hours is really something I cannot achieve. Now I'm so not looking forward to Saturday, where potentially I might get 16 needles stuck in my lower gums and a considerable amount of gum cut away. That is so sad, it's going to be an excruciatingly excruciating painful morning. And I so not look forward to it. Pain, pain.

Oh yes, I broke my AQ record for GP today. (6/8) was the highest I ever got. Mock examination was a tough paper with tough, interestingly humid, and stuffy conditions. I guess being deprived of air promotes better writing? And also, yes, hunger.

There is going to be a really random haphazard nature of the posting tonight.

Yes, there is this invisible fly in 2 metre proximity.It might be a fly, it might not be. It might be the dirty caustic wind. It might be the 7th month. It might be because I'm actually fatigued. I actually THINK it's a real fly. But I am just too fatigued to see through it's movements. Dang.

Life has been stale. Horribly stale (how many times must I callow about this?). My life is only school, piano, school, piano. It worries me to how much priority in piano now when it's not supposed to be that serious. I have no examinations, no nothing, to work towards, yet I insist on practicing to satisfy myself. I can cope, yes, I can right?

I am really keen on skipping school tomorrow. After all, Friday is the ultimate time waster. A favourite day of the ponning gang. I find myself unable to skip tomorrow as it would force this week into being a 1-day week, which is really really disturbing if the school ever checks my record. It's almost like a self imposed one week holiday. So not good. Well, I think it's actually okay. Just waste half the day, that's all.

I think prelims will be fine, I hope. Yes, I hope.

The most productive life is actually a life spent in solitude. There are so many things in this world that can keep you occupied even while you are alone. In fact, people don't need other people anymore with the existence of some things, namely, the piano. You can sit there and play and play and play. It will take a few light years to reach bottleneck and completing all the pieces from even one famous composer will take an incredible amount of time. Introverts, are the people who can derive happiness from anything else except friends (perhaps minimally) and that is an uncanny ability, yet it is so versatile.

Whether we like it or not, there is classification in whatever that we do or we pursue. In some way or another, all has been compressed, nullified by the laws of peacemaking. This states that the quality of life experienced by a person cannot be judged by another as all such matters are relative in different directions. One man's meat might be another's poison, in simple words. When we take too much pride in what we do and how we live our life, we tend to brush off other forms of life, or rather, ways that it is lived. It can be ironic how life can be qualitatively measured yet there are a million possibilities of different scales to how each may be measured, and to each his or her own. In any motion there is friction, and perspective in motion, in two opposite directions will breed conflict. It is so queer that even if we see a person standing beneath us, yet we cannot comment because it is only through our scale that it is so. There exists too many scales for calibration. And even the world's strongest calibrated scale can be denied. There is no uniform perspective, and only many in haphazard motion.

Thus, it is simpler to retreat from this massive frictional platform. Into a realm with only one force, and one perspective. One which is unaffected by the force of another even upon contact.

Finally, it will grow into a battle of idealistic versus realistic. Some people subject themselves to an extravagant myriad of scales and ultimately unless there is innate perfection there is no way to fit through all when scales can be disparate. Yet there is an illusion to the intersection point of all scales. A holy grail, so holy, so unobtainable, and so fake.

I may be wrong. But I have might identified the crux of the thousand and one problems that seem to plague and appear on a random basis.

I think it is late and thus I make less sense. But for those who think they understand what I have just said, feel free to enlighten me because I am probably equally confused.